Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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