Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
