I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
