yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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