So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
