well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
