....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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