Well apparently he's into motor boating.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
