Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
