apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
