Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
