Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
that's an acceptable place to lick
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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