I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
