he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
this just has baby written all over it
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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