i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
