Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
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