You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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