Buhtt sex?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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