mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
