Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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