i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
