I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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