Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
