You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
