New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
you didnt know i had herpes?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
