i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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