Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
