I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
