for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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