i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
