He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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