My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
