Welp...herpes.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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