Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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