I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
