You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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