I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
