I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
