You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
