in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize