My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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