I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
