I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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