my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
