Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
