I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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