i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
