Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
