this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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