Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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