I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
