He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
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