dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
