Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
