her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Randomize
