I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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