K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
