she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
