Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
