Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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