final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
