those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
