You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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