i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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