am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
