his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
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