i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
