I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
