I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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