In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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