"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
