all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize