i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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