it wasn't lemon gatorade
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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